So, you probably haven’t realized this as I can be a very subtle person, but I’m pretty obsessed with “The Hunger Games“–the movie and the books. I know, shocker.
If you’re completely out of touch with reality, “The Hunger Games” is a sci-fi/fantasy dystopian story where children are selected randomly from their home districts to fight to the death in a televised show. The movie came out March 23, and I’ve seen it
two three times now. (Yes, I’m very subtle about my appreciation for this series…) And of course, I loved the movie. But I wondered…what would “The Hunger Games” look like if it were a romantic comedy?
I present to you, a reimagining of sorts:
Original photo via Entertainment Weekly
In this romantic comedy, Haymitch Abernathy (as played by Woody Harrelson) is a love guru in the style of “Hitch.” Oh, don’t remember that gem starring Will Smith and Kevin James? Probably a good thing.
By the way, I could totally make better movie posters than most people in the business today. Yeesh.
Haymitch Abernathy is the host of a dating game show, “The Dating Games,” where suitors vie for the affections of one lucky bachelor or bachelorette. Cynical and jaded, Haymitch is a lovable drunk (because in romantic comedies, alcoholics are likable curmudgeons instead of just sad and pathetic) who doesn’t necessarily buy what he’s trying to sell on the show. He’s supposed to mentor participants in how to win the game, but let’s be real–the only thing he loves is gin.
Katniss Everdeen reluctantly stars in “The Dating Games” as the bachelorette-to-be-wooed when her younger sister signs up her for the show. Ugh. Siblings are so annoying. Katniss buys into this whole love crap about as much as Haymitch does. But after the death of her parents, Katniss is desperate for some money to help support her and her sister who wants to go to med school.
Peeta Mellark is a contestant on the TV show, but he’s also harbored a secret love for Katniss for years. He signed up for the games the moment he found out she was to be on them. Peeta’s kind of a stalker. Why couldn’t he just tell her he loved her before the show? Well, there wouldn’t be a movie if he had, now would there? Peeta confesses his love to Haymitch and enlists the man’s help in trying to convince Katniss he’s the one she should choose because,hello, Peeta’s a baker and could bake her some awesome cheese buns, come on!
Grudgingly, Haymitch agrees to assist Peeta; maybe he has a bit of a soft heart, but he also has a TV show to put on–and the producers and TV executives are demanding ratings. So what’s real, and what’s just for the games?
DUN DUN DUNNNNN. I know, that’s some good shit, right? Throw in some zany characters played by Elizabeth Banks and Stanley Tucci, and I think we’ve got a blockbuster right here, folks. I really need to start submitting my movie ideas to the studios!